The former Conservative party leader, Iain Duncan Smith, took to Twitter to vent his spleen when his party campaign HQ door was sprayed by ‘democracy-hating thugs’ (his words) with the slogan ‘Tory Cuts Kill.’
“It’s an absolute disgrace,” snarled the livid failed Conservative leader, renowned for being the architect of the infamous bedroom tax, universal credit, and having a cock like a baby’s arm holding an apple, “After nine years of the Tories running our educational system, these low-lifes can’t even spell properly. Cunts has an ‘N’ in the middle for fuck’s sake!”
IDS also confirmed that there were other acts of vandalism carried out in the same raid. The slogan ‘Tories out’ was also painted on the HQ.
“The annoying thing about the whole incident was that I was actually in the building at the time,” moaned IDS, “I’d nipped to the loo for a quick pee and had rested my head against the toilet wall while I had my wazz. I must have nodded off otherwise I’d have caught the buggers. All I know is that when I woke up I had the word ‘Ludo’ spray painted on my Conservative member.”
Medical records, however, disprove IDS’ story, claiming that it was more likely to be the word ‘Llandudno.’
A spokesperson for democracy-hating thugs, Uyu Lookin’at, was quick to defend the piece of graffiti, saying, “Okay, so it’s not exactly a Banksy, innit, but de scrawl at least has all the letters in the words joined up like proper writin,’ an’ nat.”
When it was pointed out to Mr. Lookin’at that actually none of the letters were ‘joined up,’ and in fact the three words were scrawled in capital letters, he said, “What’s capital letters?”