“You’re listening to the wrong music for that biscuit” say Radio 4. So here’s our handy guide to pairing crunch and chorus.

Entertainment, Art & Culture

On Radio 4 this Sunday (for those readers who’ve never heard of ‘Radio’ – it’s an old fashioned medium that contains only sounds, no pictures, and very little porn) – Dr Leah Broad taught the nation that it’s important to pair your mid-morning biscuit with whichever classical composer you happen to be listening to at the time.

Apparently Mozart’s a hobnob (obviously!), Bach requires an Orange Leibniz, and that there are parallels between Scarlatti and a Wagon Wheel.

Nicely accessible there, Radio 4… a biscuit for every musical taste – so long as that taste was educated at the Conservatoire De Privilege.

There are apparently no plans to repeat the item on Radio One – so instead, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to provide you with the exhaustive list of what us low-brow music lovers should be pairing our biscuits with.

Take That fans should be showing solidarity with the band’s lead singer over his hair loss by favouring the Garibaldi.

Got a thing for Ed Sheeran? Sure – it’s an obvious choice – but why not crack open the Ginger Nuts…

If you’ve managed to get your hands on two (or four) of Nestle’s chocolate covered wafers, you could be forgiven for thinking Beyonce’s ‘Kitty Kat’ was the song for you – but why not bite off both ends, drink your team through it like a straw, and listen to ABBA’s ‘Sipping Through My Fingers’ instead.

If you love to dunk the yellow biscuit of joy that is the custard cream – it’s perfectly paired with the Beatle’s ‘Yellow Submarine’.

While Shortbread dunkers should definitely consider Anita Baker’s ‘Only For A While’.

if you often find yourself scrabbling around for the broken chunks of a biscuit, having dunked for a few seconds longer than necessary – then Lionel Rich Tea’s ‘I Don’t Want To Lose You’ could be just the motivational soundtrack you need.

There’s only one song we really wouldn’t recommend. Not to be paired with any biscuit.

It’s Climie Fisher’s ‘Bite The Hand That Feeds’.

(Additional Material: Brad Holcombe)


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