Boris made an F1 pit stop on the campaign trail yesterday.
Except he misunderstood that to be a spit spot.
He promised to “…go full-throttle for Brexit”
Even if it meant a total car crash for Britain.
He added, “…What we need to do is change the wheel and get it back on track.”
By changing the steering wheel and leaving the punctured tires as is.
The 10 commandments will be completed in the first 100 days, said Boris,
hoping the parliament will be suspended by then.
COMMANDMENT #1. You shall have no other Brexit before Me.
If I can’t get Brexit done by 31 Jan, he’ll move January to another month.
COMMANDMENT #2. You shall not steal from your friends.
February budget to give £85 tax cut to 31m workers and £85m tax cut to his 31 friends.
COMMANDMENT #3. You shall not covet NHS contracts…
At least until the election. After that everything’s on the table and much more under the table.
COMMANDMENT #4. You shall not release violent offenders early…
unless they become PM or join the cabinet.
COMMANDMENT #5. You shall not take the name of the immigrant in vain.
Anyone who has come out of Eton will get all the points in the immigration system and others will not be allowed in.
COMMANDMENT #6. You shall not commit social mobility
Schools will be given extra funding to stop children from aspiring too much.
COMMANDMENT #7. You shall not make any free NHS treatment to migrants.
Even if they are 1 in 4 of the NHS staff.
COMMANDMENT #8. You shall not bear false witness against yourself.
Therefore, everyone must delete all previous remarks made by Boris Johnson, including the cut-throat gesture about social care.
COMMANDMENT #9. Honour Your Broadbandits and cronies
Mobile phone coverage in countryside will be increased so that Boris gets coverage when he goes into hiding.
COMMANDMENT #10. Keep the foreign service policy relevant to Boris.
To show everyone that it’s not just Trump who can be laughed at during parties by world leaders.