Yorkshire Tea are in hot water – with customers complaining their biodegradable tea-bags have been splitting mid-brew.
Besides spoiling a decent cuppa, the malfunctioning bags are of little use for their traditional secondary role as emergency prophylactics.
The popular beverage producer explained the bags’ tea-trapping mesh sides are sealed using a new plant-based agent, which was ‘misbehaving’ and could no longer be relied upon for giving a clear brew.
Or giving a Clear Blue.
A disappointed tea and sex lover commented: “When on site, you know you’re never more than a few yards away from a brew and a caddy full of carefulness should an intimate situation arise. A coffee pod would be a fat lot of protection perched on the end of my c*ck.”
Traditionally the tea bag of choice for spontaneous love-makers would be the square drawstring, aka ‘Hangman’s Hood’. As these have become less popular an empty everyday Yorkshire Tea bag with elastic band retainer is considered to give the greatest degree of protection of all the popular brands.
A Yorkshire Teaologian explained: “We apologise for the problem concerning our tea bags. Whilst we cannot deny the unique dual functionality of our tea bags, we cannot condone their use as contraception.”
“However, we are sensitive to the needs of our valued customers and propose a solution be actioned without delay. As from tomorrow our tea will be packaged in single-use perforated condoms.”
“But not ones in those jazzy day-glo colours, that would be disgusting.”