The world’s biggest bee has been re-discovered. After decades thought lost to science wildlife experts found a single live female. The discovery, in the Indonesian islands known as the North Moluccas, raises hopes that the region’s forests still harbour one of the rarest and most sought after insects in the world.
And in the absence of any known males and to ensure the species don’t die out scientists gave it a profile on dating app Bumble.
But the bee, who can’t be named for legal reasons, didn’t attract a single date. Although with a bio written by scientists that’s hardly surprising.
We spoke to relationship expert Dave, from Bridgend, who told us ‘They were too honest. I mean the bio said two and a half inches, with a sting in the tail. You’d think you were dating Piers Morgan wouldn’t you? No, modern dating’s all about acronyms. They’re what really tell you about your date. You’ve got BBW – Big Beautiful Woman, DTE – Down to Earth, and GSOH – Good Shag. Oral & Handjobs.’
Environmental group, Global Wildlife Conservation (GWC), which has launched a worldwide hunt for “lost species”, supported the trip.
And they’ve now agreed to fund an all-expenses trip for Dave to visit Indonesia and provide expert advice to the sex-starved bee.
‘By making the bee a world-famous flagship for conservation, we are confident that the species has a brighter future than if we just let it quietly be collected into oblivion,’ said spokesman Robin Moore.
The bee herself said that she’d much rather be left alone. ‘I didn’t ask to be rediscovered. I was quite happy with life as it was.’ She said. ‘Just buzzing around collecting pollen for Lord Lucan, feeding sugar cubes to Shergar, and then sitting back and relaxing with a Tizer, a Pyramint, and a couple of chapters of Fly Fishing by JR Hartley.’
But Dave, who became a qualified relationship expert by ‘shagging every bird in the pub’ is confident he can get the bee in the mood for love. ‘If all fails,’ he said ‘I’ll put an order in with Love Honey. I might even earn Nectar points.’