Woman accidentally prescribed impotence cream for her eye. Everyone she’s looked at now pregnant.

Health, Health, Lifestyle and Family

A Glasgow woman was treated for mild chemical injuries after she was mistakenly prescribed erectile dysfunction cream for an eye condition.

The woman applied the cream to her eyes, dutifully following the instructions to ‘rub liberally across the balls’. 

She then experienced what she describes as ‘a rush of blood to the head’ – an uplifting feeling that compelled her to drop everything and go out to find someone to have eye contact with.

A neighbour reported that the woman’s stare was definitely ‘longer and harder than usual’.

The cream caused pain, a swollen eyelid and blurred vision. These cleared within a few days of treatment in A & E.

However, the strangest side effect appears to be long-term – everyone who has unprotected eye contact with the woman instantly falls pregnant.

It’s taken a couple of weeks for this remarkable phenomenon to come to light, during which the woman has gone about her normal routine: travelling the country challenging strangers to staring contests, cheerily catching the attention of anyone sat in a window seat of a passing bus, and visiting zoos to gaze through the glass into the regal-yet-sorrowful eyes of big cats.

She is currently thought to be responsible for approximately 3,000 forthcoming little nippers, although the figure is nearly doubled if you include the sea horse she winked at at the Sea Life centre.

The case has been reported by The BMJ to underline the potentially dangerous consequences of writing prescriptions in lowercase letters.

Meanwhile, having been prescribed eye cream to cure his erectile dysfunction, a Glasgow man is now the proud owner of a penis with the ocular capabilities of the Hubble Space Telescope.

If only he could get it to point in the right direction.

 

(Additional Material: Chris Ballard)
Alexander MJ Smith

Written By: Alexander MJ Smith

Alexander is an emerging writer of funny things for screen, stage and speaker system. His credits include BBC Radio 4 Extra’s Newsjack and the word ‘include’ to make it sound like there are lots more. He also sometimes writes things that aren’t funny (on purpose) and sometimes these get published.
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