0% of burglaries in the Derbyshire Dales solved. Police flummoxed as to where thieves are hiding the loot.

Home Affairs, UK Politics

According to a Sunday Times report, Police only solve 5% of all burglaries and robberies

There’s huge variation between neighbourhoods.

Of the 355 burglaries last year in the Derbyshire Dales – none have been solved.

With an abundance of farmland, recovery of stolen goods can evidently be tricky – as it’s impossible to know where the swag’s been hidden.

In the meantime, Uttlesford in Essex has solved 26% of crimes – a figure they put down to their high visibility foot patrols.

Finally the TOWIE perma-tan is good for something, eh!

Anyway – this all begs one very important question:

Why aren’t British police solving burglaries any more?!

  1. They’re too busy stopping and searching every single black man they see.
  2. They’re pre-occupied with trying to download the footage from their body-worn cameras so they can use it to start a vlog.
  3. They’re just too polite. They just don’t want to cause a fuss. It’s the British way.
  4. There’s no one to “accidentally” beat up if the perpetrator’s already run away.
  5. It’s really hard to see who’s been robbing who from up there on their police horse.
  6. Criminals are getting harder and harder to identify. Like this guy below.

(No, not the guy with the swag bag – he’s on his way to a fancy dress party. It’s the guy on the right! He once stole a can of orange lucozade from the vending machine in the police station staffroom – and still hasn’t come clean. How he can continue to do his job without ‘fessing up, we’ll never understand).

Well, they might be getting worse at solving crimes – but at least they’re getting better at dancing.

It’s illegal for a member of the public to impersonate a police officer, so shouldn’t it be illegal for a police offer to impersonate a member of the public? Especially one who dances like that…

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3t7DhN2AaI[/embedyt]

Why do you think the police have stopped solving crimes?

Whatever you think, let us know in the comments below.


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