“We’re greedy, robbing bastards who don’t give a shit about anyone” say banks, explaining 40% overdraft rates

Business, Health, Lifestyle and Family, Home Affairs, UK Politics
we're greedy, robbing bastards who don't give a shit about anyone else say banks, explaining 40% overdraft rates

The UK’s financial regulator, the Financial Conduct Authority has asked banks to explain how they have decided their new overdraft rates.

Banks have explained to the financial regulator who queried quite why most have implemented a blanket 39.9% overdraft rate that it’s entirely necessary because they are greedy, robbing bastards who really don’t give a fuck about anyone else in their quest to generate shitloads more money for doing literally no extra work.

Generic banking CEO, tax-efficient saver and knight of the realm for services to his own pocket, Sir Barabus Valentine-Valentine CBE MBE OBE, said, “I hope the Financial Conduct Authority are satisfied with this explanation.

“I appreciate it may both confuse and surprise them, as the last thing they were expecting was a bank to be upfront, frank and honest with them.

The FCA has sent a formal letter to all the banks, asking them for an explanation as to what influenced their decision.

Valentine-Valentine continued, “To be perfectly frank, if we don’t generate shitloads of cash for very little effort, none of us will be able to afford a third Californian ranch or keep up with the latest release from Picasso.

“I mean, without my bonus – which I receive regardless of performance – I would not be able to afford a further extension to my garage, into which I park the latest release from Ferrari.

“I understand that many, many people in this world will be dragged further into poverty with these rates and, in an ideal world, that would be avoidable, but the cold, hard reality is that nobody in the highly-paid, corporate banking world actually gives a shit about them.”

The FCA said most High Street banks had set “very similar prices”, after previously demanding changes to the system.

It’s as though they all got together in a cartel and decided to set the same interest rates. As they would in a cartel. Sorry, because they are a cartel.

The regulator suggested some firms could reduce or waive interest for customers who are in financial difficulty because of their overdraft.

Hahaha, yeah right.

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