We redacted all the benefits of no-deal so they’d be a pleasant surprise in November, says government

UK Politics
Shocking Report reveals UK will be short of Yellow Hammers

Ministers yesterday published details of their Operation Yellowhammer contingency plan, after MPs voted to force its release.

Parts of the document were leaked last month but were quickly dismissed by the government that literally wrote them as being ‘project fear’ and ‘out of date’ even though they had been written that same month.

The document outlined that riots on the streets, food price rises and reduced medical supplies are real risks of the UK leaving the EU without a deal.

So it’s little wonder that the horny haystack in Number Ten wanted to dispose of the report quicker than his marriage vows.

One entire part of the report, Section 15, was redacted before release, prompting many to question what other possible dreadful consequence of a no-deal Brexit the government could be trying to hide.

Michael Gove, the man responsible for no-deal Brexit planning and someone who looks like a child’s attempt to shape a monkey out of a balloon, was quick to deny they had hidden anything concerning.

“On the contrary” he told press this morning.

“The part we redacted was actually the part that outlines the countless benefits of leaving the European Union, and we redacted it for no other reason than to give you all a pleasant surprise when you wake up on November 1st and find yourself in the sunny uplands of an independent Britain.”

He went on: “In Section 15 we talk about all sorts of positives to leaving with no-deal, like how each household will receive a million quid on the first of November, how there will be a bank holiday once a week, how each street will have a fully staffed hospital on it, and loads more benefits besides that.

“You just need to trust us – after all, we’ve given you no reason not to, have we?”

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