“we lost the bi-election, but we’d win a straight one” says a clearly confused Farage

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
we lost the bi-election, but we'd win a straight one says Farage

Nigel Farage said he’s unphased by the outcome of this weeks’ bi-election, as he’s confident when straight people are allowed to vote his Brexit Party ‘will win hands down.’

Labour candidate Lisa Forbes won the Peterborough seat with a majority of 683.

Farage told reporters, ‘It’s typical of the lesbian left that they vote for a woman simply because she has a pair of breasts and a vagina.’ Adding ‘It’s about time straight white men started getting some power in this country.’

Responding to suggestions of homophobia, Farage protested, ‘How can I be? I used to work with a poof. And I’ve got a whole stack of DVD’s featuring lesbian plumbers fixing washing machines.’

Farage left the election count before the declaration leaving his defeated candidate, millionaire former Tory donor Mike Greene, to face the media.

Greene said it was not the first time Farage had ‘slipped out early following a premature result.’

The Brexit Party had been confident of winning the seat and many bookies had Greene as favourite.

But as Peter Snow’s swingometer began to go both ways it became increasingly clear that the Brexit Party had their backs to the walls – a position which Farage described as making him ‘feel safe around benders’ as he’s under the misguided belief that every gay man in the world must find him irresistible simply because he’s a cock.

In a statement Farage said, ‘We’re confident that in a straight election we’ll win. But if Labour want to start playing games and having different elections for different sexualities then we’ll play them at that game. So, I give you my word that the Brexit Party will be the party to appeal to all. We’ll be a party full of pricks, arseholes, tits and cu*ts.’

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