When quizzed about the spread of the Coronavirus, the beleaguered prime minister was quoted as saying “If I can’t catch it through my rampant infidelities and it only kills people who don’t have their own private hospital wing, why am I being bothered with this?”
Johnson had previously come under scrutiny for a lack of clear leadership in the face of ongoing flooding. Leading civil servants reported “The last time we saw such an underwhelming reaction from the man was when he watched the leaked Priti Patel sex video.”
“Nothing. Not a flicker.”
When pressed for any kind of response that might generously identify him as a leader, Johnson responded. “Let’s wait until all the facts are in
and then I’ll act accordingly.”
It is understood from No10 insiders that Johnson’s action was to be independently wealthy through inheritance and to insulate himself
from scrutiny and the hoi-polloi.