US-UK Trade Deal: Sir Philip Green negotiates tariff-free purchase of destitute Mexicans to help save the Arcadia Group.

Business, World News
US-UK Trade Deal- Sir Philip Green negotiates tariff-free purchase of destitute Mexicans to help save the Arcadia Group

The US president, in a news conference with Theresa May, promised a “phenomenal” trade deal after the UK leaves the European Union.

In a pre-emptive move, Sir Philip Green stated that he has already secured a trade deal with the US.

“I’m very pleased to announce that the Arcadia Group has successfully negotiated a deal to help to bring additional talent to our workforce”, he stated earlier.

Once the darling of the high street, Sir Philip Green’s Arcadia Group has been battling dwindling sales, profits and footfall as shoppers move on to fast fashion, digital-native rivals.

“We realise that Arcadia needs to diversify to survive so we’ve decided to embrace the south American wholesale market; they have so much to offer and don’t expect very much in return”, he added.

To spearhead the new south American wholesale market venture, Sir Philip has appointed a new marketing and operational team; their first priority will be to oversee the refurbishment of a number of derelict nissen huts on the outskirts of Wigan.

Arcadia, which is owned by Sir Philip’s wife Lady Green, is trying to orchestrate a deal known as a Company Voluntary Arrangement (CVA) with its creditors. A CVA allows distressed businesses to reduce their debts and financial obligations, in order to avoid falling into bankruptcy.

Sir Philip stated that the recruitment of his new workforce should help calm creditors fears: “These people have never heard of the minimum wage, they’ve certainly never heard of Wigan; we’ll probably pay them in pesos depending on the exchange rate, naturally.”

A spokesman for the Mexican workers– Mateo Perea—said they were “incredibly” excited at the prospect of coming to the UK to work in one of Sir Philip’s sweet shops.

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