US Space Force parades in Virginia

Science and Tech, World News
US Space Force parades in Virginia

Thousands of camouflaged gun owners have gathered in Richmond, Virginia in a show of armed strength.

The heavily-armed, camo-clad members of gun-rights and militia groups have been federalised by President Trump to form earth’s first non-terrestrial terrestrial military unit: Space Force.

In a crowd where hundreds of men had semi-automatic weapons slung casually around their necks, and pistols in holsters at their side, one man said this was the “safest place on earth”.

The undoubted star of the parade was the new forest camouflage uniform, designed specifically for Space Force’s first mission: to protect the good folk of the southern states from UFO abduction.

Despite mastering travel across light years of space and time, aliens would be unable to spot Space Force waiting to engage them in their favoured landing areas of dense forestry.

However, the reaction to the new outfit has been less than complimentary – with most pointing out the design will not help troops blend in during space missions.

USSF also admitted that during testing of the space uniforms in a ‘non-atmospheric’ capacity, Space Force soldiers experienced ‘extreme breathing difficulties’ and a ‘peculiar freezing sensation of limbs, body, eyeballs and genitalia.’

Donald Trump launched the force last month, claiming “space is the world’s new war-fighting domain” as he signed off the $1.4trn (£1.08trn) National Defence Authorisation Act. It is part of a package that also provides money for a US-Mexico border wall.

When questioned as to whether the forming of the Space Force from citizens exercising their rights under the second amendment of the constitution, to bear arms, represented a failure of responsibility to tackle increasing gun crime, the president answered: “That’s right! Space Force!”

The unit posted an image of the gear on Twitter saying: “Space Force propels the @DeptofDefence into a new era dedicated to protecting US and national interests and security in space,”

“then we’ll fly in our Space Teslas to liberate the Avatars on Pandora. Go, Space Force!”

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