Environment Secretary Michael Gove has said indigenous communities should be “respected and not patronised” admitting the UK currently has no plans to ban trophy hunting imports.
Everyone’s favourite cockhead continued to say that the UK will not yet ban trophy hunting imports, as he stood in front of Boris Johnson’s lifeless head mounted proudly on his wall.
Mr Gove said that he had been advised by charities to “be cautious” in following other countries by outlawing the controversial practice of importing animal parts resulting from hunts of rare animals.
“Much as I was when I tracked Boris Johnson all the way through his leadership campaign, stealthily and slyly following behind him then, just as he wasn’t expecting it, boom! I blew his head off with my 24-bore bellendery!”
Mr Gove says it is a “delicate political balancing act”.
“People say Boris was an easy target, but with all that flailing around and avoiding the issues mean he was really difficult to hit! I had to take three shots to finish him off. Obviously between each I convinced him I was on his side, before shooting him in the back again and again. And again.”
Former England cricketer Kevin Pietersen, who interviewed Gove, left his cricketing career behind to pursue conservation, vowing to get the British government to ban trophy hunters importing goods.
Pietersen added, “Though, obviously, you can hunt Borises, Jacob Rees-Moggs, David Davieses and any Theresa Mays, though that is currently in high demand!”
A cross-party Early Day Motion that has been signed by 159 MPs, called upon the UK government to stop trophy hunting imports of endangered species.
Though Mr Gove refused, saying “I think it would be in everyone’s interest to reintroduce Liam Fox-hunting.”