UK visit fuels speculation that Trump has a hidden, royal, agenda…

Features, Politics, US Politics

It’s Friday 13th July – and while Theresa May might not normally be superstitious, it’s fair to say it’s been a particularly unlucky day for Number 10’s second most popular resident.

Having spent the last year touting a potential trade deal with the US as one of the shining examples of why Brexit really should mean Brexit – Donald Trump’s been in the country 5 minutes, and he’s already rubbished the Chequers plan and said it’s likely to “kill” any such deal.

Yes, just when May has got rid of one bloated blonde twat determined to destroy the country another one hoves into view and grabs her by her lady parts.

Trump’s understanding of the Chequers plan is that now Brexit doesn’t mean Brexit, but he’s adamant that it really should, because if Brexit doesn’t mean Brexit what does it mean? Certainly not Brexit. Exactly.

The comments were made in an interview with The Sun newspaper – timed for release so that the news broke while May was hosting Trump at Blenheim Palace.

So an Australian and an American are coming together to screw over the country… I knew we should never have given them independence…!

In the same interview, the President also heaped praised on the UK’s Trump Tribute Act Boris Johnson, saying he was “a very talented guy” who would make a good PM. “I have a lot of respect for Boris. He obviously likes me, and says very good things about me” said Trump.

So just to clarify – your main criteria on whether or not someone should lead their country is whether they say nice things about you? Yet you’ve decided to marry someone who very clearly can’t stand you? You’ve got this all wrong!

Why not just marry Boris. We think you two would be great for it. And actually – while you’re visiting Liz and Phil today, ask them if they don’t mind the two of you taking over as monarchs for a while.

For anyone who thinks that’s utterly preposterous – just remind them that you. The Donald. Host of The Apprentice. You, became President of the United States. Literally ANYTHING is possible at this point – so why not go for broke.

Trump may have brought his entire 22-vehicle motorcade with him – but it will only be used for a few minutes at at time. Mostly to get him from helicopter landing pads up to the front door of buildings that are only a stone’s throw away.

It’s not for his safety. It’s because the President – who’s officially “the fittest president ever, in fact, probably the fittest American ever” – can’t bare the idea of walking a few hundred yards down a private drive.

For those few minutes when he is in his motorcade, the president will have instant access to high-speed internet to allow him to broadcast his thoughts on Twitter – while those outside will have all of their communications jammed…

Americans have yet to figure out how to get a car to do more than 8 miles to the gallon, but the download speeds are something to behold.

Expect an excited torrent of tweets as he leaves Windsor sharing everything he’s learned in the meeting with the Queen, and our very own racist-in-chief Prince Phillip. So many new ways to describe those “Filthy Dagos!”

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