UK manages 6 days without coal – but the Hamsters are at breaking point, and ready to strike

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UK manages 6 days without coal - but the Hamsters are at breaking point, and ready to strike

Today marks the longest that the UK has gone without coal-fueled electricity since the Industrial Revolution,

and, “the added workload is just ridiculous,” claims Mr. Fluffster, head of the HAPT (Hamsters Are People Too) action group.

UK power plants have not burned any coal since May 1st, eclipsing the 90-hour benchmark set in April.

The current back-up system of hamsters running in wheels to make up the electricity shortfall, “is just not a feasible long-term solution, especially taking into account compensation rates.” Mr. Fluffster went on to state, “We have of course lost a lot of the workforce due to the ongoing Brexit negotiations. The HAPT warned the government in April that the wheel system just can’t take the strain, and now we may have no choice but to strike.”

A spokesman for the UK National Grid said that they aim to operate Great Britain’s electricity system with zero carbon by 2025,

but the HAPT warns that unless hamster working conditions improve that this will be impossible.

“Coal usage has dropped to a 10% contribution to the UK grid, from 40%

when my grandfather was in the wheels,” said Mr. Fluffster. However the HAPT’s recent report on wheel safety notes that the system infrastructure has not been updated since the 1980s and cannot be relied upon to keep up with current demand.

There are currently 6 coal-fired power stations still operational in the UK, with all planning to cease operations by 2025.

HAPT’s demands include: wheel refits, a 25% increase in carrot and cucumber compensation, a hay-based incentive scheme intended to draw youngsters away from modern hamster balls, and one new cardboard box per employee. When a spokesman for the UK National Grid reminded HAPT that they are also looking into expanding in wind energy, Fluffster replied, “Yeah but a lot of good that’s going to do you once they complete the giant UV-blocking dome.” The dome is of course due for completion in 2026.

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