Turkey Twizzlers to be reclassified as edible ahead of expected no-deal Brexit food shortages

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Jamie Oliver's restaurant chain adds Turkey Twizzlers to menu in desperate bid to draw customers

New advice from the Government has warned that schools would have “to adapt menus to allow for product substitution” if Britain leaves without a deal on Oct 31.

Following this announcement, the Food standards agency has announced that Turkey Twizzlers will be allowed back into schools, following their cancellation in 2006.

An agency spokesman has said “Turkey Twizzlers are an amazing source of nutrition for kids. This has nothing to do with a potential food shortage. In fact, we’re considering a roll out of Turkey Twizzlers in Hospitals, Care homes and even the Armed Forces.”

The product was discontinued by Bernard Matthews in 2006 after extensive backlash over cheap, processed food. In 2006, Turkey Twizzlers were found to contain only 34% Turkey, and were taken out of schools following criticism.

The FSA have apologised for this, claiming this was incorrect. “It turns out, that was a typo. Turkey Twizzlers actually contain 340% Turkey. There’s so much turkey in them.”

The Government have issued a statement that, with regards to Brexit, “schools have significant flexibilities within the school food standards.”

Along with Twizzlers, these flexibilities will allow for a a higher variety of food types, with the Government announcing a new lunch range that includes: Protein slabs, Assorted meat puree, and Soylent Green.

(Additional Material: Daniel Burt)
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