Trump launches space warfare command
Donald Trump has declared war on space, which is strange, as space didn’t actually do anything wrong.
The answer is simple; space is very, very large, so large in fact that it cannot be measured in olympic sized swimming pools, football fields or even Belgiums!
The discovery of exoplanets means that in all likelihood space contains other life forms and, according to the US government, that means immigrants or ‘Illegal Aliens’ as they are officially termed.
The Trump administration takes a pretty dim view of illegal aliens on Earth and the one’s from space can expect the same treatment according to a source at the White House.
And how do you stop space immigrants?
With a wall of course!
Trump and his laser armies of rocket space-war-onauts (Not from Area 51 of course) will build a huge wall around the Earth to keep out these lazy, undesirable, drug-dealing fiends with their subversive space ideas and customs.
The wall will be over fifteen feet high and made from impenetrable titanium with barbed wire on top and, you guessed it, more lasers.
Air Force General John Raymond will lead the new command
Air Force General John Redmond has been assigned to the task, despite the fact that there is no air in space making him somewhat unqualified for the role.
“I’m convinced that space is a war-fighting domain. I’m convinced that our way of life and our way of war depend on space capabilities,” Air Force General John Raymond.
It is uncertain what convinced him of this, after all space is really just a giant vacuum filled with rocks and stuff and it’s jolly expensive to get there.
But, having elected Donald Trump in the first place, America does at least have some first hand experience of working on a cold, vacuous, expensive and ultimately unnecessary exercise.