Trump excited to see ‘good friend’ Boris. Trump plans to build a wall out of Lego and make nanny pay for it, Boris just plans to shag everything in sight.

Features, Politics, US Politics

Just 24 hours until Donald Trump arrives in the UK – and new Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt must be feeling a little down in the dumps, as Trump let slip that he’s mostly hoping to hang out with his good “friend” Boris Johnson.

On their last playdate, Trump built a wall out of Lego and tried to make Boris’ Mexican nanny pay for it, while Boris simply shagged anything and everything in sight.

We wonder whether Trump’s other British Bestie, Nigel Farage, will also be making an appearance.

Farage – who last year claimed the referendum had left him “skint” – was this week number 6 on the MEP ‘rich list’, thanks to an additional €790,000 earnt on top of his €100,000-a-year salary.

You know the old saying: if you can’t say anything nice, you might as well just be a prick and make a fuck ton of money.

He may be 6th on the MEP rich list, but he’s still languishing pretty low down the Richest British Pricks List. Although this latest cash injection has seen him overtake Ben Shepherd.

It’s easy to mock Farage, it really is. We could just leave it there, but just think about this: here’s a man who hates Europe, detests it, and is forced to go to Europe every week for his job, and does he complain?

Well, yes, but the point is that serving the thing he hates and only getting a smidgen over 4 times the national average wage for it makes him every bit as much of a hero as a nurse or a fireman or one of those cats that headbutts dogs that are trying to snatch kids.

As if he wasn’t already doing enough for us he has to take payment in Euros! Fucking Euros. The man’s like Mother Theresa, but for white people.

With Trump’s visit likely to be set against a backdrop of huge protests, Americans in London have been told to keep a low profile. Advice from the US embassy is to “Be aware of your surroundings [and] exercise caution”.

Because that’s something any American ever has done…

On the contrary, Americans should join in.

You can say what you like about Americans but they know how to protest – and they’re much better shots than we are.

Right now, however, Trump’s busy at the Nato summit – where he’ll be telling the other members they need to start spending more on defence so America can spend less.

He’s got a wall to pay for after all.

His boss won’t be happy to find out he’s encouraging Europe to defend themselves though… how’s he supposed to invade if they’re doing that?

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