Tory Leadership Results delayed as “C*ck and Balls” tops the polls

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Tory Leadership Results delayed as C*ck and Balls tops the polls

Voting for the next Conservative Party leader and Prime Minister closed on 22 July

The result, however, is being delayed as it seems the winner is a crudely drawn picture of male genitalia

160,000 Conservative Party members have been voting to decide who their next leader will be

“Rather imaginatively”, Conservative Party chairman Brandon Lewis was quoted, “It appears that a significant proportion of the membership elected to draw a huge c*ck, with a pair of testicles on their ballot paper, rather than placing a simple ‘X’ in the appropriate box”.

The membership were given a choice between Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt

“We looked at many methods of possible interpretation”, The Chairman went onto add, “However where do you start? The only thing we could be certain of , was that with the exception of Esther McVey, it ruled out our female parliamentarians”.

The Leadership race begun on the 10 June

“And then there was the variety of ‘c*ck and ball’ pics.”, Mr Lewis further detailed, “Some with hairs, some without for example. Others elected to depict the moment of ejaculation, whilst others were merely content to show an erection in various states of arousal. It’s has been a real head scratcher…. Pardon the pun”, the MP for Great Yarmouth, chuckled

This is the first leadership ballot, to go to the membership  since 2005.

“One party member rather artistically drew two phalluses ‘in Saltire’, on a background of Azure. We weren’t sure if that was a statement as to the effectiveness of the Cameron/Osborne days, or an endorsement of Michael Gove”, Brandon Lewis described, “Whilst others elected to draw a stick man, suitably endowed, rather than opting for the more traditional, isolated depiction. The sheer assortment  of depictition, is a fabulous endorsement of the diversity within the membership, who are  at the vanguard of modern Conservatism”

Prime Minister Theresa May is expect to resign on Wednesday, following PMQs

“and that is when the leadership governance team will proudly announce the winner of this great contest. A proud vision of post-Brexit Britain, standing alone, defiant, proudly demonstrating to the world what the United Kingdom under the Conservative Party truely represents…….. or maybe the whole thing has just been a load of c*ck”

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