Tories set to win, as left-wing vote split between 35million different parties

UK Politics
Tories set to romp home in election, as left-wing vote split between 35million different left-wing parties

The Conservative Party will win the 2019 election, say all the bookies.

The Tories are expected to romp home in tomorrow night’s election, as every single left-wing voter votes for themselves, because ‘each of the left-wing parties doesn’t stand for exactly everything I stand for’.

The odds of a Labour majority were cut to just 2 per cent.

This act of typical left-wing hubris will result in the Conservatives running the country with a confidence-and-supply arrangement with Warren, who lives in Blackburn, standing for the ‘Warren in Blackburn’ party, who are the most right-wing of the 35 million different left-wing parties.

Election night analyst, Barabus Valentine, said, “The left-wing is always quite vehement with their opinions, so if a party doesn’t stand for exactly every little thing you think, they are more likely to split off and create a new party, whereas the right-wing is by parts either too stupid or too tax-efficient to splinter.

“So you get this massive split in the left which, in total, usually outnumbers the local Conservative Party, but because they’re so headstrong, insist on voting for their individual left-wing groups, giving the Tories the win.

“If each left-wing party was genuine about the good of the country, they would agree a deal between themselves for a single election – I mean they’re annual now anyway, so what’s the big deal – creating a head-to-head between two parties in each constituency, probably win, work as a coalition to replace the UK of its archaic first-past-the-post system with a sensible and progressive proportional representation system, then call another general election.

“But, no, they’re all too hubristic to do that, so end up failing against the stupidity right-wing vote.

“What a bunch of idiots.

“Anyway, locally, I voted for myself.”

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