Tories propose new retirement age calculation  as “Date of Death”… (plus six months)

Health, Lifestyle and Family, Popular Right Now, UK Politics
Tories propose new retirement age calculation  as Date of Death... (plus six months)

Britons could be forced to work until they are 75-years-old after the Tory Government, refused to rule out the recommendations of a specially commissioned Think Tank

Although the eventual goal is to move State Pension retirement age to the date of the individual’s death… plus six months.

“We reckon ‘date-of-death’ plus six months, would be just about be enough to beat any advances in cryogenic, resuscitation science”, kindly, avuncular Iain Duncan-Smith (65) was quoted, “Thus protecting the Billions of pounds of National Insurance money collected over the past 60 years”

A new report by the Centre for Social Justice (CSJ), fronted by former Tory leader Iain Duncan-Smith, has proposed accelerating plans to increase the state pension age in order to boost the UK economy.

“The Government is in a tricky dilemma”, stated the compassionate  Iain Duncan-Smith (65), “On one hand we are spending money on the NHS to make people live longer, which means more and (on the other) more people are selfishly living beyond the age of 67 in order to claim their Basic State Pension of £6,718/year (roughly what a Brexit Party MEP gets a month). It was so much easier when we turned a blind eye to the health issues caused by smoking  and drinking. Just think of the historical benefits to the pension system, those loyal citizens showed”

In the report called Ageing Confidently, the think-tank said: “Removing barriers for older people to remain in work has the potential to contribute greatly to the health of individuals and the affordability of public services.

“For example, just imagine, if we could utilise the incontinent elderly in our parks and public open spaces”, the former warm-hearted, Tory Party Leader (65) was quoted, “Imagine the massive savings on automatic watering and fertilisation systems that could be made, by a team of senior citizens, strategically placed in a rose bed. The feeling of well-being those individuals would have in continuing to contribute towards society, would have huge positive psychological benefits,  as they approach 60 years of taxed employment earning £8/hour for a 45 hour week ”

The report also added  “As we prepare for the future, we must prioritise increasing the opportunity to work for this demographic to reduce involuntary worklessness

“I have a vision, of tens of thousands of dementia sufferers, rocking back and forth in their chairs all day long, in special kinetic energy farms”, added the loving and benevolent former Secretary of State for Works and Pensions (65), “Linking those chairs to the National Grid, would be a huge benefit to the Nation in reducing our Carbon Footprint. The £8/hour they would earn for a 50 hour week, would give great comfort to the families of the senile, that their loved one isn’t a drain on society”

Iain Duncan-Smith (65) is married the daughter of the 5th Baron Cottesloe, in 1982. The couple have four children and live in a country house belonging to his father-in-law’s estate in Swanbourne, Buckinghamshire.

“And don’t rule out those with Macular Degeneration”, added the compassionate and benevolent executor of David Cameron’s £12 Billion austerity cuts in the DWP (65), “Their unique ability to see from only the edges of their vision could be a huge contribution to safety boon in juggernaut transportation world. Just imagine four of those, useful citizens perched on each corner of every lorry in the land, earning their £8/hour on a zero-hours contract. I envy the fresh air and health benefits these useful, visually impared subjects would receive as they take in their peripheral vision of the great British countryside. That’s modern conservatism in a nutshell

The average life expectancy in the UK is approximately 81

“I dream of the day, when this sympathetic, gentle, gracious and tender-hearted Government can at least achieve parity of life expectancy, with the state pensionable age, but why stop there? Date of Death plus six months is the flexible option all progressive Conservatives are looking towards”, stated Iain Duncan-Smith…aged 65… who gets his basic State Pension in November 2019.


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