Tories, Labour, Lib Dems AND Change UK all fighting to sign Jürgen Klopp as their new leader

Sport, UK Politics
Tories, Labour, Lib Dems AND Change UK all fighting to sign Jürgen Klopp as their new leader

Liverpool are in their Second successive Champions League Final after overturning  a 0-3 deficit beating Barcelona by 4-0 on the night.

This has put the happy-go-lucky, smiling, German manager, loved by everyone, in pole position for the Tory Leadership.

“Obviously, we don’t need another leader, as we already have one” stated Tory Party chairman Brandon Lewis, with every single finger crossed and mischievous glint in his eye, “but if we did, Mr Klopp is top of our list”

It is the first time since 1986 – when Barcelona knocked out Gothenburg in the old European Cup, that a team have recovered a three-goal first-leg deficit to win a semi-final in this competition.

“In the words of late Labour supporter, Ranking Roger, I would like to say ‘Hands Off He’s Mine”, joshed an unnamed insider to the Labour National Executive, “Jürgen, clearly has what it takes to recover from the most disastrous of positions, although those of us on the Executive would miss the free monthly vegetable box. I’ve heard Mrs Klopp’s Kartoffel Salad is to die for though and Liverpool play in red, so there”

The Lib Dems currently have eleven MPs

“What a marvellous co-incidence”, chimed fedora topped leader Vince Cable, “Managing and coordinating eleven people is no easy task. I have to do everything these days. I’m 75 you know and my inside-right skills need brushing up”, he went on to remark, completely missing the point.

Leader of newly formed Change UK,  Chuka Umunna

Cried “Yes please! Please! Someone! Anyone! For heaven’s sake! We need a leader!”

The leader of the Brexit Party is Nigel Farage

“We’re doing very nicely thank you”, stated Mr Farage on his nightly LBC radio show, whilst chugging warm Liebfraumilch, live from his five star apartment in Brussels, “One ‘flash in the pan’ victory, doesn’t mean this unelected leader will have any success in Europe, or anywhere else. Hang on…..”

Jürgen Klopp has been manager of Liverpool since 2015

And when questioned on speculation over his future was quoted as saying “Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh”.

  •   
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.