Tories slammed for choosing Food Bank selfies over actual solutions. Govt fix: “Good Food Bank Guide” to boost competition and increase prices.

Politics

A number of Conservative MPs are facing a backlash, after posting pictures of themselves on Twitter donating to food banks.

They may have expected the country to applaud their generosity – but the irony was too much for most, including The Big Issue.

“These guys should be fixing the system so that food banks aren’t needed, not donating to them for the sake of a smug selfie” – said basically everyone everywhere.

It didn’t help matters that several Scottish Tories sent their smug tweet using the exact same copy-and-paste text that had clearly been written for them by the PR team.

But it’s ok – those selfless Tories have set up a think thank in order to finally fix the problem, in time for Christmas.

The Jacob Marley Think Tank.

And they’ve already come up with the perfect solution. A ‘Good Food Bank Guide’.

Head of the think Thank, Ebenezer Scrooge, explains the idea: “Food banks the world over are acting as effective monopolies. By rating each food bank from one to five stars, we’ll begin to introduce competition.”

“That competition will drive up standards, as customers seek out the more popular, in-vogue food banks, and then those food banks will finally be in a position to increase their prices”.

The think tank’s finance guru Scrooge McDuck adds: “Eventually, our hope is that these food banks stop being so dependent on donations – and become proper, profitable businesses. Ones that don’t need our help!”

“Once Brexit’s tanked the rest of the economy, we expect privatised, for-profit food banks to become the fastest growing sector for the UK”.

Over 1.3 million emergency food supplies were handed out by the Trussell Trust last year. One third of these were to make sure children didn’t go hungry. Figures from the charity also show that food banks are busier than ever, and this is the most critical time of year. The network provided 159,388 three-day emergency food supplies during December 2017, of which 65,622 went to children.

“Hmm. Yeah. Sounds bad – but trust me – there’s no problem on this earth that can’t be solved with a little healthy competition” insisted Scrooge.

 

Food banks rely on donations – they  come from schools, supermarkets, businesses and donations from individuals like you and me.

Even something tiny could have a huge impact on someone this Christmas.

Please – support them in any way you can.

 

The News Dump

Written By: News Dump

Sometimes our writers get together and collaborate on stuff. When that happens, this guy sits in. He probably didn't write any of the jokes - he just likes to feel involved. Full credits at the end of the article.
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