Tommy Robinson has launched a public appeal for Donald Trump to grant him asylum as he faces imprisonment.
For now he has been granted asylum in the Ecaudorian embassy. “We haven’t got round to re-decorating the guest bedroom yet” a spokesperson for the embassy said. “After Mr Assange left we were going to turn it into a rumpus room with a pool table and jukebox, but when there’s a divisive political figure in need of a bed we’re just the girl who can’t say no!”.
“I beg Donald Trump, I beg the American government, to look at my case,” Robinson said on Monday. “I need evacuation from this country because dark forces are at work.”
Robinson was then shown his new bedroom for the first time. “Dark forces are at work in the embassy too. Is that ‘Julian woz here’ smeared in shit on the wall?!”
Robinson ranted about “globalists”, the media and “political correctness”, accusing the British government of trying to “silence him”.
“Yeah see how silent he is with his stage, microphone and big screen outside the Old Bailey, blink and you’d miss him” the Ecuadorian spokesperson said with an eye roll so violent the Earth briefly stopped rotating.