In a letter she wrote over the weekend to all Conservative MPs, British Prime Minister Theresa May has vowed to speak to every European Union member state leader “over the coming days”.
It is certainly proving to be a busy week for Theresa May, as she jets around Europe speaking to as many leaders as possible in a desperate attempt to resolve the myriad issues surrounding Britain’s departure from the EU. Thank goodness she currently enjoys freedom of movement within Europe – I mean, can you imagine the headache of having to apply for a visa at each border? What a nightmare that would be, who would want that. Oh, wait.
In the letter, the embattled British leader said that the Tories need to sacrifice “personal preferences” for the “higher service of the national interest”.
Presumably in the much the same way as she sacrificed her ‘personal preference’ for Britain remaining within the EU in favour of getting into Number Ten at any cost and destroying the economic stability of her country in the process.
Having spent a lot of time over the recent months in discussions with senior EU negotiators and leaders such as Angela Merkel and Emmanual Macron, Theresa May is now turning her attention to the countries she hasn’t yet spoken to.
Who knows, maybe getting a political superpower like Latvia, Bulgaria or Malta on her side at the negotiating table might just help her resolve the countless issues surrounding Brexit.
Perhaps she’s just racking up the air miles so that when she resigns shortly after Brexit happens she can fly far away to a place where no-one knows who she is, like the Antarctic. Or any social event at the EU headquarters in Brussels.
If she achieves nothing else though, Theresa May is sure to learn something new about some of the other members of the EU.
Namely, how ‘F*ck off!’ sounds in 27 different languages. The Bulgarians, for example, say “Kon da ti go natrese” which literally means “Get f*cked by a horse” and “Ade gamisou” which is Greek for “Go f*ck yourself”.
Which are all valuable phrases for any Briton hoping to visit Europe on holiday post-Brexit. After all, it is good to know what people are yelling at you when you turn up at the hotel bar drunk in an England shirt boasting how you ‘took sovereignty back’.