Theresa May promises not to fight in next election.  Bookies instantly stop taking bets on her fighting in next election.


After narrowly winning the vote of confidence amongst Conservative MPs, Theresa May has told her party she will not be fighting in the next election.

Given her previous, bookies up and down the country immediately stopped taking bets on her fighting in that very election.

Theresa May had previously promised that there wouldn’t be a snap election.  There was.

As Home Secretary she said she would control immigration.  She didn’t.  And she promised to make Britain ‘a country that works for everyone’. Epic fail.

Given these, everyone realises what she promises is about as likely as Mexico paying for a border wall halfway between Mexico and, well, Cornwall.

Theresa May survived the vote with a majority of 83.

She immediately promised not to fight in another election and instead fight crime in her constituency whilst running a carbon-free, vegan, lactose-intolerant unicorn farm.

Millions of people sat on tenterhooks, watching the TV waiting for the result.

They were actually waiting for The Apprentice Semi-final to begin and were extremely annoyed at all this ‘politics’ nonsense getting in their way.

Dan Sweryt

Written By: Dan Sweryt

Dan Sweryt is an award-winning script editor and comedy writer whose TV, radio, podcast and internet writing still doesn’t pay enough for him not to have a proper job too. But, you know, it does help him buy lottery tickets.
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