Theresa May hires Southern Rail to plan the timetable for her departure

UK Politics
May's blasé attitude to delays explained - as Southern Rail's cancelled 07.42 appointed Brexit Secretary

Conservative Party Chairman Sir Graham Brady has announced a departure timetable for the Prime Minister will be announced in early June.

And who better positioned to put that together than train operator Southern Rail?

Southern Rail was fined £5M in March 2019, following timetable chaos in May 2018

“The Prime Minister is not one to be tied down to minor and irrelevant details like dates and times, so we in the 1922 committee can think of no-one better to draw plans for her exit”, Sir Graham went onto say,  “It was Transport Secretary Chris Grayling, that suggested contracting Southern Rail. He proposed, they would be ideal to produce a robust publication, that stands up to scrutiny and perhaps make the shortlist for the Man Booker Prize for Fiction…. Central Office could do with a few bob for the subsequent royalty cheques”.

After the next Brexit Vote in June, the Prime Minister will make plans with the party for choosing a successor.

“We are looking for a fresh and novel approach from Southern Rail, to enable a smooth transition to the next leader”, the Chairman added, “Although, to use an analogy, I can already see a few contenders, out of the shunting sheds and waiting in the sidings”, he chuckled.

Southern Rail CEO is Patrick Verwer

“Obviously we are delighted to be selected, for such an ambitious project”, stated Mr Verwer, who lives near Brighton and therefore works from home most of the time, “The key things with timetables, is not to get too hung up on them. Timetables  are more for general guidance, than accuracy, in my experience. I am certain we can frustrate the voting public, whilst denying any accountability. We have years of experience in that”.

In 2025 Parliament will be refurbished, the with Houses of Commons and Lords will be relocated

“We would be very interested in planning that activity as well”, the CEO went onto add, “Who better at laying on replacement bus services at short notice, than Southern Rail?”

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