Following talks with EU leaders, Theresa May has an extra two weeks to find a solution to Britain’s exit from the European Union.
The PM is reported to have breathed a huge sigh of relief, and returned to a pink fluffy robe that hasn’t been washed for three months. Curled up on her sofa, there is still speculation as to whether she’s watching ‘The Umbrella Academy or Orange is the New Black’.
President of the European Union, Donald Tusk, has said that all Brexit options remain on the table.
May is reported to have created a Word Document with a working title and a handful of ill-thought out bullet points underneath. May convinced herself that this was ‘a good start’ and deserving of nine full seasons of popular American programming as a reward.
May still hopes to push a withdrawal agreement through parliament next week and has ruled out revoking Article 50 to cancel Brexit.
The Conservative ‘leader’ has told sources close to her that she’s ‘just one of those people that works much better with deadline pressure’ and is convinced that these two weeks will be more than enough time to successfully do all the work not done in the past two years.
On online petition calling for a revocation of Article 50 has surpassed 4 million signatures as sections of the public plead for an end to this ‘mess’.
But on the plus side, May’s desk and living space has never looked so tidy and having tried both, she now knows she wants her CDs sorted by genre rather than alphabetically.