The Sun to publish everyone’s Browser history ‘In The Public Interest’

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The Sun to publish everyone's Browser history 'In The Public Interest'

The Sun has once again provoked controversy by printing private stories about England Cricketer Ben Stokes and allegedly forcing Welsh Rugby Union Star Gareth Thomas to reveal he is HIV Positive

And even more controversial is the paper’s decision to publish everyone’s internet browser history, which they claim is in the public interest.

The Sun’s circulation is approximately 1.4 Million

“We think our readers have the rights to know what their friends, families, neighbours, minor celebrities and politicians are looking at in the privacy of their own homes”, stated Colin Extortion, head of Media Communications and Blackmail at News Group Newspapers, “After all, if they have something to hide they should be using the incognito button. That’ll teach them.”

Circulation figures for The Sun have halved since 2010

“We blame the internet”, explained Colin Bribery-Jones, leading executive for Marketing and Payoff Payments with News UK, “So now we are going after the Internet, it’s providers and it’s users. Individuals will have the right to sell their story to us first before we expose the filthy perverts for what they are. For example, a Mr Colin Timid (54), of Barton Stacey, has recently sold his story for £5000 to explain why his late father suffocated under a mountain of used Kleenex, whilst browsing a popular rainwear site”

A copy of The Sun will set you back 55p

“The online version of the story will contain a fully searchable database, by surname, street, town”, described Colin Armtwister, director of International IT and Protection Rackets at News Corp, “Potential readers and current subscribers will be able to prevent their information being searchable by taking out a  new online ‘Platinum’ subscription to The Sun, at only £34.99/month. That’s less than a fifth of a pint of lager a day, in a central London pub, just off Baker Street”

The Sun claims 29.03 Million people read the online version alone

“I know exactly how many people look at my gutter press”, barked lovable News Corp founder, Rupert Murdoch, “After all. I’ve got your browser history remember? And I’m coming after you”

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