The Queen phones in sick to avoid meeting Boris

Popular Right Now, The Royals, UK Politics
The Queen phones in sick to avoid meeting Boris

The Queen has pulled a sickie in a desperate attempt to avoid meeting Boris Johnson.

Mr Johnson was due to go to Buckingham Palace today as a key part of the process in forming Britain’s new government.

However the prospect of being in such close proximity to the wannabe Prime Minister has freaked Her Majesty out. So, for the first time in 65 years, Elizabeth II has phoned in sick.

“After more than six decades of public service One doesn’t take such action lightly. But come on folks, cut me some slack here. Boris? Seriously?” The Queen opined.

“It’s not that I object to his plans for Brexit, I’m far too rich to be bothered about that sort of thing. It’s just that he’s so horrible, I don’t want to be anywhere near the ruddy man. I even read an article in the Daily Star that said no-one knows how many kids he’s got.”

The Queen is hoping against hope that the Conservatives will quickly discover a mistake was made in the leadership vote counting process and announce the actual winner was Jeremy Hunt.

“I realise that given the fact Boris won by a majority of two-to-one that’s a slim hope,” The Queen sighed.

“Maybe I can get 007 to break into Tory party HQ  and leave a couple of big sacks stuffed with forged votes for Hunt in the office, which we can then claim weren’t counted properly.”

But despite the temporary Royal hold-up, many people have expressed great enthusiasm at the prospect of the new Prime Minister leading Great Britain to an independent future free from the shackles of the European Union.

They have been eagerly ringing into radio station phone-ins declaring they can’t wait to see who Donald Trump has selected to serve in Mr Johnson’s first cabinet.

A typical call came from Dave of Woking who gushed: “Listening to Boris’s speeches has shown me the way forward.

“I realise now that there’s no need to be worry about struggling to pay the mortgage and feed my kids. All I have to do is be optimistic and everything will turn out brilliantly. Simples ”

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