The Palace launches new commemorative plates for ‘The Arsehole formerly known as Prince.’

Popular Right Now, The Royals

The Queen has agreed to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s wish to take a step back from public life, following internal conflict over the past week.

In order to commemorate the former Prince, the Royals will be unveiling a new commemorative plate, similar to ones issued for royal weddings and funerals.

The ‘hate plate’, available to staunch monarchists and daily mail readers, will commemorate the previous incarnation of Prince Harry; one who loved his family and wasn’t a ‘traitorous whelp’.  The plates aim to remind people that Harry was once nothing more than a cheerful young man enthralled the public with his cheeky antics such as dressing up as a Nazi and nonchalantly bragging about turning Taliban into red slush with the mounted guns of an Apache helicopter.
Unlike traditional memorial plates, these are being produced in the thousands, due to the high demand of people with an unhealthy obsession for figureheads of class division, smashing them in a fit of unbridled rage.

The plates feature a ‘more accurate’ portrayal of Meghan Markle (according to a panicked fever dream by Prince Phillip), and the lifespan of Prince Harry’s unwavering subjugation to, what is basically, a cult with some nice cutlery and corgis.

The plates have no official price at the moment, but are expected to go for whatever unforgivable amount will seem perfectly reasonable to people riddled with apoplectic disgust over the personal lives of two human beings they’ll never interact with.

Prince Andrew is reportedly upset that he has not been commemorated in any form, but the Queen informed him that ‘nobody cares about nonces’.

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