The Cure to headline Glastonbury – as NHS focus on prevention leaves it with no option but to fund itself.

Entertainment, Art & Culture
The Cure to headline Glastonbury - as NHS focus on prevention leaves it with no option but to fund itself

It’s been announced that The Cure and The Killers will be the main events at Glastonbury following a fallow year in 2018

But Theresa May has stated that there just isn’t the health budget to put into The Cure’s performance. ‘It’s simple economics’, she said. ‘On the plus side, the defence and foreign affairs budgets are pretty healthy so The Killers performance on Saturday night should be epic.’

The Cure will join Coldplay as the only bands to have headlined the festival four times

It is believed that there are several American companies interested in taking control of the goth icons’ gig and several Tory MPs are angling to make it happen just as they did previously with performances from the bands ‘Train’ and ‘The Postal Service’.

Robert Smith’s band have also headlined the festival in 1986, 1990 and 1995

Aneurin Bevan was believed to be a huge fan of the band and felt that all people should be allowed access to hits such as ‘Friday I’m in Love’ and ‘Inbetween Days’ but it is looking increasingly likely that only those who can access these services via private means will be able to enjoy them.

More than 60 acts including Kylie Minogue and Janet Jackson have been announced for the weekend at Worthy Farm

It remains unclear as to whether Jeremy Corbyn will return following a successful set in 2017 although, unlike pretty much every other single artist, he would be encouraged to actually present some new material.

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