Teenager jailed over hoax bomb threat that closed schools. Start of his sentence delayed, thanks to “unrelated” anonymous bomb threat closing prisons.

Home Affairs

A teenager who sent thousands of hoax bomb threats to schools, causing some of them to close for a number of days, has been jailed for three years.

Pupils at schools across the country are reported to have gathered in silence shortly after the sentencing to pay homage to their revered ‘fam’ George Duke-Cohan, the ‘legend’ who got them a day or two off school in March this year.

George caused widespread panic when he emailed more than 1,700 schools, colleges and nurseries across the UK to warn about an explosive. He was promptly arrested, but continued to make hoax calls while under investigation.

Speaking to reporters, George’s peers said that ‘holy shit, it takes serious balls, blud’ to have kept up his ‘pure bants’ even while being investigated by ‘the pigs’.

Sentencing him to jail, Judge Richard Foster said: “You were playing a game for your own perverted sense of fun in full knowledge of the consequences.”

The consequences: being sentenced to spend three years in the presence of convicted criminals, a ruling which will doubtless help the young man get his life back on the right track.

Judge Foster added: “You knew exactly what you were doing and why you were doing it, and you knew full well the havoc that would follow. The scale of what you did was enormous.”

Apparently having drive, vision and large-scale ambition for a project is something that is worthy of a jail sentence these days. No wonder most teenagers spend all day playing Fortnite or masturbating, if hard work and commitment to an ultimately harmless task is rewarded with imprisonment.

George Duke-Cohan is yet to begin his jail sentence as all the prisons in his local area received an anonymous phone call in the early hours of this morning to warn of a bomb, and as such are not accepting new prisoners while safety checks are made.

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