“Tech giants do not listen to private conversations”, Alexa tells unsuspecting couple

Science and Tech
You definitely have cancer, confirms Alexa

Tech giants do not listen to private conversations via our phones and devices,

Alexa told an unsuspecting couple from Bridgend in Wales.

Dave, who has jumped on every conspiracy theory from man not landing on the moon to Boris Johnson not being the result of a failed lobotomy on a mountain gorilla, said he was ‘shocked’ when he heard it.

‘The wife and I were just chatting about the latest research’ he said

referring to the recent experiments carried out by cyber security specialists Wandera ,

‘when out of nowhere Alexa piped up telling us that it doesn’t happen. We were amazed as we hadn’t asked her. In fact, come to think about it we don’t even have an Alexa. At first, we didn’t know whether to believe it but then it occurred to me, Alexa knows everything, so it must be true.’

Wandera kept apps open for Facebook, Instagram, Chrome, SnapChat, YouTube, and Amazon with full permissions granted to each platform while they played ads for pet foods on loop for 30 minutes.

They repeated the experiment at the same time every day for three days and noted no relevant pet food adverts on the phones and no significant spike in data or battery usage.

A spokesman for Wandera said they’ll publish their full results later in the week once they’ve dealt with the more immediate problem which is a drone attack with endless amounts of Pedigree Chum and Whiskas being dropped on their head office despite the fact they’ve never placed an order for either.

For years tech giants have batted away suggestions that they’re using  microphones in mobiles to spy, and last year Facebook chief Mark Zuckerberg flatly denied it as part of his testimony to the US senate,

adding that he agreed with the senator that magnolia was more suited to a downstairs bathroom than plum and he was sure the senator’s wife would come round to his way of thinking eventually.


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