England’s schools closed yesterday after directives from the government to protect from the coronavirus.
Teachers were presented with last-minute gifts; in many cases, the only things parents could get hold of in stores with completely empty shelves
The government declared on Wednesday they were closing the school system with very little plan from Friday.
This left teachers completely in the dark about requirements for the first time since Michael Gove was in charge.
Pupils forced self-isolating parents out against their will to cough all over empty shelves in stores up and down the country, in order to track down a present for the class teacher they may never see (ever) again.
Teacher, Barabus Valentine, said, “It was lovely that the children went out against government regulation to find me a last-minute gift and, once I’d rubbed it down with maximum power kitchen wipes, I opened it to find a box of supermarket own-brand cheese sauce granules and a packet of dog biscuits.
“I will keep them to eat as a last resort in the bunker. Obviously, the granules will only be eaten in an emergency.
Drama teacher, Philomena World-Send, said, “The presents were lovely. I always wanted a 8-piece screwdriver set.
Headteacher, who rose to the position because there was nowhere else for a PE teacher to go, Armenius Plooglefuge, said, “Well, I am very grateful for the children’s gifts. Though I am suspicious where they even went to get a hazmat suit.”