A Doncaster pensioner cut off by flooding after days of torrential rain has been visited by a succession of parliamentary candidates but is still waiting to be reached by the emergency services. Retired farmer Stanley Thomson has been trapped on the first floor of his house on the outskirts of town since the weekend.
Doncaster has been badly affected by flooding after the River Don burst its banks.
‘It’s quite remote here’ says 69-year old Thomson. ‘I don’t have a mobile phone and the landline stopped working when the water started pouring in’.
‘On Monday I finally saw a helicopter coming towards the house and I almost wept with relief. But when it got closer a man with a loudhailer lent out and shouted that he was the local Conservative and Unionist candidate for the general election and asked if he could count on my vote in the forthcoming election’.
‘I said I think about it and asked him to let the Police know that I was stranded out here on my own without any food or water, but he clearly didn’t bother. Typical fucking Tory’.
‘Since then it’s been one rowing boat after another. I’ve had visits from Labour, the Lib Dems, the Brexit Party and some woman from the Green Party asking if I was worried about the effects of climate change. Of course I’m worried about the effects of climate change, I’m fucking terrified. No sign of the Police or the army yet though’.
‘No wait, there’s someone now. Thank God, I’m saved!’
’Oh no, it’s Jo Swinson. Fuck sake’.