“Start a fire? Smother Prince Philip with a pillow?!” – HM considers drastic measures to get out of her part in Trump’s State Visit.

UK Politics, World News
Start a fire? Smother Prince Philip with a pillow?! - HRH considers drastic measures to get out of her part in Trump's State Visit

Donald Trump has accepted an invitation for a state visit from 3-5 June 2019, fulfilling a promise made to him by Theresa May after his election to the Oval Office in 2016.

The visit will create history – a promise made by PM May that she has actually kept.

A state visit is a formal visit by a head of state and is normally at the invitation of the Queen, who acts on advice from the government.

Given the Government includes Chris Grayling, Jeremy Hunt, Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg as well as the Prime Minister, Her Majesty is said to be privately concerned that she is not receiving the best advice.

President Trump and the First Lady, Melania, met the Queen at Windsor Castle when they came to the UK in July 2018 for a two-day working visit.

Taking tea with the Queen and playing golf at his own Scottish resort can be classed as working by Trump.

The Queen acts as the official host for the duration of the trip and visitors usually stay at either Buckingham Palace or Windsor Castle.

Sources at Buckingham Palace have revealed that the Queen is said to be furious at having to host the Trump’s and has ordered servants to start leaving naked flames unattended near highly flammable materials at both Royal households in the hope of a disastrous fire breaking out. If that does not work then she plans to instruct staff to turn off all the lights and pretend no one is at home. As a drastic last resort servants have been ordered to smother the ‘Duke of Edinburgh with a pillow in his sleep’ on the morning of 2 June to cancel the visit due to a family bereavement. “One of the drawbacks of being so old and in the public eye is that no one would believe Her Majesty’s grandma had died,” commented a spokesperson.

The Queen will also have to host an official state banquet for the President.

Branches of KFC and McDonalds in London and Windsor are excited at the prospect of an order being placed by the Royal Family.

In addition, speeches may be held at the Houses of Parliament but Commons Speaker John Bercow has previously stated he would be ‘strongly opposed’ to Trump addressing Parliament. The Speaker is one of three ‘key holders’ to Westminster Hall and effectively holds a veto over who addresses Parliament.

“Parliament hopes nothing happens to the keys on the day of his visit,” said an unnamed source, “Keys can get lost so easily down the back of the Speaker’s Chair.”

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