Speaker John Bercow could be denied seat in the Lords when he retires. Will have to return to previous job, shouting ‘Order!’ at indecisive McDonald’s customers instead.

UK Politics
John Bercow works in McDonald's

Speaker of the House of Commons John Bercow has faced much criticism recently, over his lack of impartiality during key debates.

Such is the anger in senior levels of government, that Bercow may now be denied the peerage given automatically to each and every one of his predecessors.

Unable to claim the generous £300 a day stipend that Bercow has long considered his retirement fun, the Speaker will be forced to return to his previous job – shouting ‘Order!’ at his local McDonald’s most indecisive customers.

There is also talk of docking his existing salary, as an additional punishment.

If so, Mr Bercow may need to find a second job. Luckily Westminster library have just the position. They’re looking for a motivational speaker to help staff keep up the pace when re-stocking books alphabetically.

Phlegm-co Staffing do also have an advert online for someone to announce the arrival of hors d’oeuvres at their catered functions – although that may require the Speaker to step a little outside of his comfort zone.

Bercow’s predecessor, Lord Martin, received his peerage despite unceremoniously losing the position over his handling of the expenses scandal.

Bercow has apparently spent the weekend in his country retreat attempting to relax by singing along loudly to his favourite song – Beethoven’s 5th symphony in C minor.

‘Order-der-der-derr. Order-der-der-derr.’ 

With his fingers in his ears, the Speaker has refused to comment on the story.

Although sources close to him say he has referred to his critics as ‘absolute right honourable gentleman’, ‘complete and utter members of the house’ and ‘total fucking arseholes.’

We reached out to one of the critics in question for comment.

‘We don’t care what he thinks. A speaker should be seen and not heard’ said the MP.

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