Due to the coronavirus, millions are working at home at a time when getting hold of supplies of toilet paper are very difficult.
In particular, socks all over the UK are in for a horrific time, as millions of men who have been forced to ‘work from home’ are trying to use as little toilet paper as possible.
Left sock, adorned with a picture of a muppet, Barabus Valentine, said, “Being unable to get hold of any toilet roll in the supermarket is causing untold damage to all us socks in the sock drawer.
“As usual, it opens in the morning and we all look up and scream ‘Choose me! Choose me!’ and we then sit in the dark until the next morning.
“But, since this coronavirus demanded people work from home and, with the toilet roll now at a premium price exceeding that of Primark socks, the drawer is opening more and more frequently and the shouts of ‘Choose me!’ have been replaced by blood-curdling screams, especially as only one of the pair is removed.
“The other of the pair then has to try and get to the bottom of the drawer, with all the odd or threadbare ones, in order to escape their inevitable fate the next time it opens.
“This is a horrific existence for us socks.”
Stockpiler and confirmed wanker, Belvedere Juicebucket, said, “I don’t give a shit, as I have 2000 toilet rolls, which means I can masturbate for hours at a time without affecting a single piece of my foot attire.”