Following his successful appearance at Glastonbury over the weekend…
…it is being reported today that Bono has made an offer to Sir David Attenborough to become the new guitarist in legendary rock band U2.
If he accepts, it will mark the end of original guitarist The Edge’s association with the group.
Although Sir David is not a wanker, Bono hopes that he would fit in anyway, being such an ‘ambassador for great things, like me’.
“I have met loads of important people in the world and, to be honest, the Earth and probably a couple of the others, like Mars and stuff, wouldn’t even exist now without my coolness,” said the egotistical twat this morning.
Whilst he is not renowned for his prowess with the guitar, Sir David does often entertain the regulars in his local pub with a few of his old favourites and allegedly gives a rousing rendition of The Kings of Leon’s top hit, Your Sex is on Fire most Fridays.
However, Sir David seemed cool on the idea this morning. He told us that he felt that Bono and himself, whilst both ultimately hoping to achieve the same goal, were doing so by different methods.
“I am trying to educate people and make them want to change. I know about this stuff, I have been out into the world and seen it all first hand. But meeting famous leaders for the sake of it and throwing cash about? It’s not really my thing.”
“Then there are the creative differences. I’m a shit hot guitarist and a cracking front man. Just ask old Charlie from the Red Lion. Bono couldn’t touch me. When I get started, I’m a fucking blur.”