‘Should bellend be hyphenated or not?’ staff ask Jacob Rees Mogg

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Staff of the new Leader of the House of Commons Jacob Rees Mogg have sought clarification on whether the term ‘bellend’ should be hyphenated when used in official correspondence?

The question was raised after the MP for North East Somerset issued a style guide to colleagues instructing them to use imperial rather than metric measurements and banning the use of specific words and phrases.

‘Mr Rees Mogg has very clear rules on grammar and punctuation but his instructions do raise some further questions’ says civil servant Fenton Barnes.

‘For instance, when using the phrase ‘fuck off you pompous bellend’ should it be ‘bellend’ with no hyphen or ‘bell-end’ with a hyphen?’

‘And if one were to send a memo to one of Mr Rees Mogg’s cabinet colleagues and use the sentence ‘I’m looking forward to the day you’re back in opposition where you belong you tiresome right wing gobshite’ should one hyphenate the word ‘gobshite’? We wouldn’t to annoy the boss by getting that wrong’.

Critics have observed that strict adherence to the rules of grammar and punctuation does not necessarily improve the quality of writing and have cited Rees Mogg’s book ‘The Victorians’, which was widely panned, as an example.

However, Fenton Barnes does not accept accept criticism of the book.

‘I won’t hear a word against it’ says Barnes. ‘We bought a copy of the book from Oxfam and its proved very popular in the office’.

‘It’s the first time the conference room table has been level for years’.


9 thoughts on “‘Should bellend be hyphenated or not?’ staff ask Jacob Rees Mogg

  1. Great! Pleased they are asking the right questions.

    What about “Only a fuckwit or a liar would say foodbanks are ‘a wonderful thing’” Would we write that fuck-wit?

    1. JRM should be donated to medical science for studies on the dangers of in breeding. These studies obviously funded by the EU.

  2. How about ‘This man couldn’t even win a soggy-biscuit competition in the dormitory at school’ should soggy-biscuit be hyphenated?

  3. What about “But this the far right elite toff Mogg”, or should it be “But this is the
    far-right elite-toff Mogg” ?

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