Where 25-year-old Cecilia Manduca works there is a “pay self-assessment process”. Put simply, the workers there decide how much they are worth and should be paid.
The House of Commons also introduced this system six months ago and there is now a ninety-year waiting list for jobs. Cleaner Anna Moldova, who had been on ten-pounds per hour, currently earns 200k per annum.
Cecilia recently awarded herself a £7,000 pay rise, taking her annual salary to £37,000. “I felt a lot of doubts asking for that raise,” she told BBC Radio 5 Live’s Wake Up To Money. “It took a lot of talks with other people. I was aware that my job had changed. I was aware I was going way beyond my targets.
Anna agreed, ‘I had spoken to co-workers about cleaning up after MPs and they thought the right number was 200k. One colleague mentioned 500k but we all agreed she was taking the piss.’ When asked which party had the tidier MPs, Anna replied, ‘They’re all animals, I used to work in a maximum security prison that had better hygiene standards. From empty coke wraps to used condoms – half-eaten kebabs, empty bottles of booze, you get sick of clearing up their excess mess. And don’t get me started on the state of the loos.’
Self-set pay is the latest innovation among companies that are competing for the top talent and want to show they offer the most attractive employment terms.
Fred Williams, House of Commons Handyman who currently earns a cool million said, ‘last week I had to change a lightbulb… it took two days as the MPs involved had twenty-seven meetings concerning the type of bulb to use. Where was it manufactured? What’s its carbon footprint? Is it LED, or Ultra LED? Fuck em! I went home, lit a Cuban cigar with a fifty pound note and downed a bottle of 61 Petrus.