Twenty-three people have been rescued from a sinking ship off the south-western coast of Wales.
The passengers and crew turned out to consist of Britain’s top civil servants. They were found by the coastguard, who claim that the civil servants were desperate to escape Britain’s current political climate by any means necessary.
Their boat was hit by a submerged tree, which caused the vessel to rapidly take on water. All passengers and crew are safe and were taken back to mainland by the Coastguard.
Choosing to remain anonymous, one of the civil servants told us that they knew the ship was sinking but still tried their best to get away. “We saw our opportunity to escape and we took it.”
“Can you blame us? We work on everything from preventing the spread of Ebola to sorting out the universal credit mess only for us to face the prospect of having Boris Johnson as our PM? I’d rather have taken my chances in the water. The coastguard should have just left us.”
According to the Institute for Government, some departments, including the Treasury, have lost two in every five of their officials to departments outside the civil service over the past year.
When asked where their destination was, one simply responded, “Anywhere away from here.”
Favourite to be the next PM, Boris Johnson, spoke of his relief at finding the missing civil servants. “We’re pleased that everyone is safe and ready to get back to work. This Brexit problem won’t solve itself and we need a scapegoat. God forbid people actually hold me to account if things go tits up.”