Seaborne freight drafts in expert help. The eight cross-channel dinghy-sailing migrants who successfully outfoxed a Warship.

Politics, UK Politics
Seaborne Freight hires Dinghy Migrants

Seaborne Freight won a £13.8m contract to run a freight service between Ramsgate and Ostend in the event of a no-deal Brexit.

The company have pledged to finally honour the will of the people by naming their entire fleet Boaty McBoatface.

In March 2016, the country voted overwhelmingly to name a new Antarctic research vessel Boaty McBoatface but the will of the people was flouted by the powers that be and the name of dulcet-toned BBC animal-fondler David Attenborough was chosen for RRS Sir David Attenborough instead.

It has since come to light that EU Boat-naming regulations forbid the use of Boaty McBoatface and were the real culprit in this shameful chapter of British history.

The great British public voted to take back control and now, thanks to the glorious patriotism of Seaborne Freight, we shall finally throw off the tyrannical oppression of the European Union.

Seaborne Freight has been working since 2017 on reopening a ferry route from Ramsgate, including “locating suitable vessels, making arrangements with the ports of Ostend and Ramsgate.

The ferry-less freight company was awarded a £13.8m contract by the government, not because they were the only ones to tender a bid, or in spite of their lack of ships – as liberal remoaners and Guardian-readers would have you believe.

They were awarded the contract precisely because they had no ships, allowing them to finally take back control and name their entire soon-to-be-launched-when-they-buy-some fleet of ships Boaty McBoatface 1, Boaty McBoatface 2 etc.

They hope to have their first boats ready in March, once Britain leaves the European Union and up to four boats running by the summer.

The company have brought in specialist consultants in channel-crossing by employing migrants washing up on dinghies on the Kent coastline.

Jake Mackintosh

Written By: Jake Mackintosh

Writer - Austin FF 2016 Semifinalist, Edinburgh IFF 2017 Talent Lab alum, Newsjack - All around poor excuse for a human being.
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