Scottish coast battered. Met Office say, “They really will deep fry anything”

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The Met Office have asked whether there is anything the Scots won’t deep fry after announcing the west coast has been battered.

Weather warnings for wind and rain are in place across much of Scotland and the north of England.

Most of Scotland is subject to a yellow warning as ‘the cold weather gets under your sporran and makes you need a wee, and when the wind picks it up it’s faces full of piss all round.’

Two sections of the A1 in East Lothian were closed after lorries were blown over.

Rescue workers said traffic has been severely disrupted but they have managed to get to the drivers and make sure they have a battered Mars Bar and a wee dram to make them feel better.

On the roads, police have advised drivers to avoid the A1 in East Lothian.

A spokesman said, ‘If used incorrectly the road can lead to Newcastle which would be a huge national embarrassment as Geordies are the only people in the UK more hardy than the Scots and there’s a real risk they’ll cope with the weather conditions.’

Aberdeen’s Christmas village is still open,

because they’re ‘fuckin well ‘ard’.

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