Yesterday, newly elected PM Boris Johnson’s first action was one of the most brutal cabinet reshuffles. In response, First Minister of Scotland Nicola Sturgeon write to Johnson in a bid to set up discussions for a second independence referendum.
However, in an unusual turn of events, Scots were not willing to wait for a potential referendum. Many in Northern England woke up this morning shocked to find that Hadrian’s Wall had been rebuilt overnight by thousands over the border in a desperate attempt to keep out Boris Johnson and his right-wing cabinet.
One of the builders emphasised that everyone is still welcome into Scotland but hundreds of people patrol the walls to keep an eye out for the Conservative frontbenchers.
“We have no problem with the English people, absolutely none. We’ve spoken about building a wall to keep the Tory Brexiteers out for quite some time, but it’s the baffling appointment of these Tory fuckwits that was the last straw.”
Many Scottish Conservative MSPs claimed last month that a Johnson premiership would be a “catastrophe” for the Conservative party and boost support for independence within Scotland.
Scottish Conservative leader Ruth Davidson, a staunch backer of the union, was herself spotted helping in the construction of the wall. As she lay bricks down, an anonymous source told Newsdump that she repeatedly referred to Johnson as “that scruffy-haired buffoon.”
The hatred of the new right-wing cabinet has united Scotland. Rangers and Celtic fans up and down the country shook hands and agreed to brings their rivalry to an end as they discussed the calamity that is Westminster.
Noel Gallagher also angered Scots recently when he branded Scotland a “third-world country.”
The former Oasis man has been added to the list of names no longer allowed into the country, along with Gerard Butler, Donald Trump and Piers Morgan.