Cabinet ministers are plotting to remove Theresa May as Prime Minister and replace her with ex-England manager Sam Allardyce on a caretaker basis it has emerged.
Some Conservative MPs have said they would be willing to back Mrs May’s Brexit deal on the understanding that she is not in charge of the next phase of negotiations.
‘When you’re staring down the barrel you need someone in charge who’s been in the pressure cooker before and come up trumps’ said an unnamed Cabinet source.
‘Sam Allardyce is a Brexit supporter but he’s also the kind of leader that can go to Brussels on a cold Tuesday night and get a result. When all hope is lost and relegation to a second-string nation seems inevitable there’s only one option – its Big Sam time’.
Allardyce has confirmed that if approached he would be interested in the position.
‘Let’s face it, we’re a bloody a laughing stock at the moment’ said the former manager of West Ham, Sunderland, Newcastle, Crystal Palace and a sh*tload of other clubs.
‘There’s been too much namby pamby pi*sing about for my liking. I didn’t haul Everton out of the regulation quagmire by having a series of indicative votes or by asking for the season to be extended so I could get Phil Jagielka to support my way of doing things. I did it by hoofing the ball up to a big target man and getting stuck in. These fancy dan foreigners don’t like it up ‘em. Arsene Wenger didn’t like it and neither will Barnier or Juncker’.
‘I don’t know much about politics but I do know about man management. I’ll soon whip Boris Johnson and Rees Mogg into shape’.
‘Training starts at nine on the dot, don’t be f*cking late’.