Sajid Javid notices lies printed all over bus under which he was thrown

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Sajid Javid resigned as Chancellor of the Exchequer after being ordered to sack all his special advisors.

As Sajid was thrown under the bus, he noticed there were lies printed all over it, including, but not limited to, a copy of the Conservative manifesto.

Javid said “no self-respecting minister” could accept such a condition.

Javid did not say, “Boris told me I had to sack all my special advisors.

“I didn’t – not because I’m not a heartless Tory bastard, I am – but because I’m unsure whether you’re supposed to do what comes out of Boris’s mouth or the exact opposite, as he seems unsure himself.

“Anyway, as Dominic Cummings showed me to the front door of Number Ten, it was opened, and I was pushed in front of the No. 73 passing by right at that moment.

“As I fell under it – and I was pleased to see it wasn’t a metaphor, as I don’t really understand them – I did appreciate the irony, as everything on the bus was a complete and utter untruth.

“I’m only lucky Chris Grayling was driving, as he missed me and ploughed it into Number 11, meaning Rishi Sunak’s first job is to fix it.

“He’ll be glad of that, as he knows fuck all about the Treasury, having been called in to do the job from his role in the post room.”

He has been replaced as chancellor by Chief Secretary to the Treasury Rishi Sunak.

Sunak was working for Deliveroo, and had just brought a pizza to Number Ten when Dominic Cummings shouted he needed a stooge to be Chancellor.

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