Sajid Javid announces plans to make being middle-classed a crime

Home Affairs, UK Politics
Sajid Javid announces plans to make being middle-classed a crime

Sajid Javid claims middle-class drug users are ‘destroying lives.’

Being middle-class will become illegal as the government scraps the current three-tier system and reverts back to the simpler two tier system; the rich and the poor. Sajid Javid has concluded that the United Kingdom was a utopia under the older two tier system after watching every episode of Downton Abbey with the sound turned off and reading a fantasy book based on the Victorian era written by Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Sajid Javid said, “There are people who have their organic food, they boast about buying fair trade, they talk about climate change and at the same time, come Friday or Saturday night they’re all doing drugs.”

Police have been given powers to allow them to set avocado traps in areas dominated by middle-class gangs, such as Waitrose and Marks & Spencers, and can stop and search anyone suspected of carrying a spiralizer. Anyone found guilty of being middle-classed will be sentenced to stay in middle-class concentration camps, more commonly referred to as Center Parcs UK.

Michael Gove ‘fortunate’ not to go to jail as he admits to drug use ‘crime’.

Michael Gove can not be charged after admitting to taking cocaine, despite being middle-classed when the crime was committed twenty years ago, as he’s now rich. He also resolutely denies having tried any of the hard stuff after carefully following a Nigella Lawson recipe to create wonderfully light and fluffy pot brownies.

In October 2018, Home Secretary Sajid Javid announced that the middle-class will be targeted as part of a crackdown on the causes of violent crime.

Which has given businesses time to prepare for the change. The authorities acted quickly to prevent a Sainsburys plan to disguise their stores as branches of Asda, so the middle-classed will have to resort to using the dark web to get their Grade A Quinoa; although they won’t be able to use just any dark web site, it’ll have to be an M&S dark web site.

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